My First Pregnancy Story

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My dreams of happily ever after were vague at best

Four months after our wedding, we found out I was pregnant. Soon after, my googling into the night turned to a feverish search for answers as I began spotting. Seeing bloody tracks on toilet paper on a normal day can be disconcerting enough, but thinking of the baby inside made it seem catastrophic.

Looking back on it, other than the spotting, my pregnancy was uncomplicated and uneventful. But because of my “advanced maternal age”, I was subjected to many further tests not usual for a “normal” (read: mother under the age of 35) pregnancy.

Worries of Down Syndrome (1 in 350 vs 1 in 1,200 in a 25-yr old mother) , pre-eclampsia (high blood pressure, damage to organs, possibly fatal for baby) and gestational diabetes (left untreated could lead to premature or stillbirth). Scary, right?

I found out I was pregnant at 6 weeks. I went to my family doctor right away and got confirmation. When I started spotting soon after, I found out an ob/gyn would not start seeing me until at least 8 weeks.

I called the TeleHealth line and spoke to a nurse about the spotting who basically told me if I was concerned enough, to go to emergency. Unhelpful and not reassuring at all, I went back to my family doctor to get an ultrasound to ensure baby was okay.

As I would find throughout my pregnancy, though everything seemed like an emergency (my baby might live or die!), and I sought reassurance with all health care providers, it’s not a good idea to be so emotionally dependent (life lesson right here) on others. Maybe because they’re around it all the time (I guess even the miracle of life loses it lustre if it’s your job), I found them to be mostly matter-of-fact and generic in their responses.

I had great paranoia about miscarriage at this point. From what I read and and heard of from people at work, it seemed like even getting pregnant after 30 was hit-or-miss. There was frequent talk of couples going through the struggles of IVF (In Vitro Fertilization). So when I got pregnant soon after trying, I was then completely invested in seeing it through safely.

When I finally started seeing the ob/gyn, it was just once a month. My husband came with me a couple of times, and then I realized why the waiting room is filled with women waiting alone. The appointment lasts all of 10 minutes and nothing exciting happens.

I remember drawing for blood work, over and over and over again. Exposure therapy worked in my case and am now very comfortable getting needles in the arm- I used to live in dread of flu shots.

What seemed like every test came back with questionable results which led to further testing- mostly for Down Syndrome. Of course, even the extra blood work and ultrasounds weren’t conclusive so I found myself having to contemplate amniocentesis (they stick a hollow needle inside the uterus to obtain a little amniotic fluid- but it might cause a miscarriage!).

This is when I realize that nothing (not science!) in life is certain and we live in shades of gray. None of these tests are 100% accurate. Pregnancy tests can give false positives and amniocentesis, with its possibly fatal consequences has an accuracy rate of 99%.

Lucky for me, advances have created the NIPT (Non-Invasive Prenatal Testing) which is just more bloodwork. Hey what’s one (or 5 vials of blood in this case) more, right? Again, this test is not 100%, but it provides the reassurance most of us seek about the health of the baby.

I got a borderline result, which meant the baby most likely was fine, but tested over the line only by a hair. I remember the ob/gyn telling me not to worry and to imagine someone gave me a jar filled with hundreds of jellybeans, and only one was the marble. It was a terrible metaphor, but I appreciated her for trying.

I did have to get a “genetic counsellor” near the end of my pregnancy. I had my final ultrasound at the hospital I would give birth (I’d been going to labs up until then) and spoke to two very nice doctors about how to deal with a baby born with a defect. It was both exhilarating and terrifying to see that baby had all its fingers and toes and to sit down after to receive pamphlets on dealing with disabilities.

I suffered minimal morning sickness, couldn’t bear to eat meat and ate a doughnut daily in the last month. I didn’t test positive for gestational diabetes- Thank goodness, I couldn’t have handled the added strain of watching my diet at that point.

I started wearing a maternity belt at month 9- although it didn’t relieve all the pain, I couldn’t go to work without it. I suffered from swollen calves a bit as well. I think the biggest advantage of a first pregnancy is that you can rely on your relatively healthy body to support most of the weight. I only experienced physical difficulties (breathlessness, poor sleep, achy joints) at the very end.

All in all, it was an uneventful but terrible pregnancy in terms of stress. I was overdue by 4 days and went into labour a few days before my scheduled induction date. My labour and delivery were pretty standard fare by comparison. Read about that here.

I told myself I didn’t get a glow from pregnancy. I told myself pregnancy wasn’t for me. I told myself I didn’t want to go through it again. Then 14 months later, I did it again: My Second Pregnancy Story.